FOR RENT: I am in need of surplus income to support my horse’s laudanum addiction. Unfortunately, my horse “Wellington” became addicted to tincture of laudanum while recovering from wounds suffered after he broke his leg and I shot him (he survived).
My miserly wife controls our finances and is unwilling to use general household funds to purchase laudanum, so I am developing a revenue stream independent of her control. Specifically, I am seeking to rent out the trunk of my motorcar as a studio flat. The trunk is spacious, as trunks go, and could comfortably fit a robust bachelor or a petite couple. For noise reasons, I am unwilling to rent to families with children or pets.

If you lived here, you’d already be home!
The trunk comes furnished with a tire iron and a steel drum of spare petrol, although the latter is not to be used by the tenant.
Please be advised that I move my motorcar frequently, and the tenant will receive no advance notice thereof. References required, serious offers only.